Never Let Go Read online

  “What!” Finley jumped and replayed the message again. “Son of a bitch, Nicole.”

  Chapter 2

  Finley sat down on the couch with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Her mind drifted back to high school once more. Her brother’s funeral passed and the world had finally started to settle down again. Over the next six weeks, Finley was pulled in so many directions she didn’t know which way was up anymore. That’s when Nicole asked if she could stay the night one Friday so they could finally have time to grieve together. Nicole had been the only thing keeping her grounded.

  “I’m glad you came over. We’ve had no time to just sit and talk since the accident.” Nicole sat on Finley’s bed next to her and grabbed both of her hands, pulling them into her lap. “We both lost something that night. He was your brother, but he was also my friend. I didn’t love him, but I cared for him enough to have sex with him for the first time. I know I was stupid, and it was a very stupid thing to do, but I think it happened for a reason.”

  “What? Why would you say that? There is no reason why my brother should have died. I tried to tell him to slow down and pace himself, but I was the ‘little sister.’ What the hell did I know? Well, I know one thing, I’m alive because I wasn’t as careless as he was, and I never will be.”

  “I know. That’s what I love about you, Finley. You’re so damn smart. I should’ve listened to you. Everything would be different if I had just listened to you.”

  “What do you mean?” Finley raised an eyebrow and met Nicole’s sparkling eyes.

  “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

  “No. Oh, Nic.” Finley wrapped her arms around Nicole and pulled her tightly against her chest. They sat like that for minutes that felt like hours. “Does your family know?”

  “Yeah. I tried to tell them it was only that one night, but my mom and dad don’t believe me. They are so pissed off, they threatened to send me away and make me have an abortion. Luckily, my mom is too damn right-winged and religious for that.”

  “I’ll be here for you, Nic. Whatever you want or need I’ll do it. We can still move in together like we planned and get jobs after graduation. We can both go to college too.”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do. My mom has already told me she’s not helping me support this baby. She keeps calling it ‘the mistake’.”

  Finley felt Nicole’s warm tears soaking her shirt collar. She tried not to let her feelings surface, but she had no choice. She pulled back slightly, looking into Nicole’s eyes before she closed the distance, kissing her softly.

  Nicole froze and pulled away. She stared up into Finley’s deep blue eyes. Her hand quivered as she brought it up to meet Finley’s face. She pulled Finley back towards her until their lips met again, soft at first. Then their lips parted, allowing their tongues to explore each other. This was a whole new feeling for Finley and an awakening for Nicole.

  *

  The day of their high school graduation, Finley pulled Nicole to the side and opened an envelope, showing her the contents.

  “Where the hell did you get that?” Nicole squeaked, looking at the cash bills with bug eyes.

  “You know I’ve been working at the sporting goods store since before Christmas. This is all of my paychecks, plus the money my family sent me for graduation. It’s only about five thousand dollars, but it’s enough for an apartment, plus furniture and household bills. I want you to move in with me. We can do this baby thing together, you and me.”

  “What are you saying, Finley?”

  “Nicole” Finley put the envelope back in her pocket and pulled Nicole further behind the bushes. She’d never called her by her first name unless it was serious or she was mad. “This isn’t just some fling or experiment for me. I…” she paused, trying to calm her racing heart. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since our sophomore year. I’ve wanted to say that to you so many times.”

  Nicole closed the distance between them, standing on her toes to kiss Finley’s lips in a lingering kiss that ended when they heard voices close by.

  “Finley, I…I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you’ll spend the rest of your life with me,” Finley murmured as a tear rolled down her cheek.

  Nicole wrapped her arms around Finley’s neck, kissing her again. Her round belly pushed against Finley’s midsection. This time there was no stopping because of the voices. Nicole threaded her fingers into Finley’s dark, curly hair, kissing her with as much heated passion as she possibly could. They pulled away from each other breathlessly.

  “I love you too, Finley. I always have and always will. You’re my best friend and the love of my life.”

  Finley couldn’t wipe the smile from her face if she wanted to.

  “I think we should start apartment hunting today.” Nicole grinned.

  *

  A week later, they’d moved into a tiny, two bedroom apartment and signed a one year lease. Then, they bought minimal living room and bedroom furniture, plus a crib and dresser set for the baby’s room.

  “Are you sure it’s only for eight weeks? I don’t know if I can be away from you for eight whole weeks,” Nicole said. She’d pleaded with Finley to change her mind after she told her she’d enlisted in the Coast Guard. Nicole knew Finley didn’t want a ‘job’. She wanted to be ‘something,’ and she had the drive to do whatever she wanted to do. She loved swimming and the best place to put her talent to work, making a difference, was with the Coast Guard as a Rescue Swimmer. She had planned to take the swimming scholarship that was offered to her and go to college, but with Nicole there and the baby on the way, she needed an income, not a degree. The Coast Guard would provide her with a career, a steady income with health insurance, and a retirement plan if she stayed in long enough.

  Nicole had gotten a job as a bank receptionist and was taking college classes at night, while Finley trained rigorously before she had to leave for boot camp. Because of her strong swimming skills and high test scores, she was accepted to Aviation Survival Technician school and Helicopter Rescue Swimmer training, which was twenty-four weeks long, plus seven weeks of EMT training after that. The baby wasn’t due for another ten weeks. She prayed to God that she was there for the birth, and that it happened during the two weeks she’d be home between boot camp and AST school. After that, she’d be stationed somewhere and spend the next six months working on her qualifications, before moving on to finish Rescue Swimmer school.

  “Nic, you’ll be fine. I’m going to miss you like crazy though.”

  “Oh yeah, how much?” Nicole teased.

  Finley laid her back on the bed and scooted up beside her.

  “Why don’t I show you?” She wiggled her eyebrows, placing soft kisses along Nicole's collarbone and across her chest as she removed her clothing one piece at a time. Nicole slowly helped Finley out of her own clothes until they were lying naked on the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.

  “You drive me insane,” Nicole said breathlessly. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you.”

  “I know, I can’t get enough of you either.” Finley flicked her tongue over both enlarged nipples as she worked her way down, carefully kissing Nicole’s large, round belly. She knew better than to go any further with her kisses. Nicole wanted to see her and she couldn’t with her belly protruding, so Finley promised not to disappear until after the baby was born. Nicole was a passionate lover. One that liked to hold and be held as they were making love. Finley gave her whole heart to Nicole over and over again every time they were intimate with each other.

  “I love you,” Nicole said as she felt Finley’s finger’s slide through her wetness and enter her gently. “You make me feel like I’ve never felt before.”

  “I love you too. I always have,” Finley whispered as she nibbled her ear and worked her fingers in and out slowly, increasing when she felt Nicole’s hips rise to meet her hand. She pressed her thumb against her throbbing clit and moved it
in circles, matching the pressure of her fingers. Nicole’s body tightened around Finley’s fingers, pulling them further inside.

  “Yes…Oh, Finley,…you feel so good!” Nicole grabbed Finley, holding her tightly until the last of the orgasm washed over her.

  Their lovemaking lasted a little while longer, following them into the shower as Nicole took over Finley’s muscled body, nearly bringing her to her knees with simple touches.

  *

  Finley stilled her thoughts long enough to get a grip on reality. What the hell was she going to do with a teenage kid living with her?

  She smiled when she thought back to the day Nicole’s baby was born. She’d only been home from boot camp a week, and luckily had one more week to go before she’d have to leave for twenty-four weeks of AST school. Even though she’d basically be in the same town since the school was also in Charleston, she’d be confined to the base for the majority of the time there.

  They’d rushed to the hospital when Nicole’s water broke in the kitchen of their apartment. Finley’s mother had been the first to arrive behind them. Nicole’s mother had arrived just after her. The two of them sat apart from each other in the waiting room to keep from arguing. Barbara Wetherby swore Michael Morris wasn’t the only guy her daughter had slept with, and she was certain he wasn’t the father of the baby.

  Finley was in the room, holding Nicole’s hand when a head full of dark, curly hair popped out. Seconds later, the rest of the tiny baby girl came out, kicking and screaming. She had the biggest blue eyes.

  Nicole turned towards Finley. “She looks just like you! Oh, my God,” she cried as tears stung her eyes.

  Michael had looked a lot like Finley in the face, but his dark hair wasn’t curly, and his eyes weren’t blue, they were brown. Finley had inherited her looks from their long lost father. Finley cried when Nicole handed her the warm bundle. The baby squeezed Finley’s finger with her whole hand and made tiny little noises.

  “She loves you, just like I do,” Nicole whispered.

  “I love you,” Finley replied, leaning over to kiss Nicole’s sweaty cheek. “And I will love her like she’s my own for the rest of my life.”

  “She is yours, Finley. She may never have a father, but this baby girl will always have two mothers,” Nicole said through thick tears. Even though Finley had already given blood, and the doctors would test the baby’s blood against her own to prove Michael’s paternity, it was unmistakably clear this baby shared Finley’s genes.

  “What are you ladies going to name her?” the nurse asked as she stepped over to them with the birth certificate.

  Nicole looked at Finley and smiled. “Caitlin Finley Morris.”

  “Nic!” Finley’s eyes grew wide.

  Nicole squeezed her hand and winked at her. “You’ll never be able to deny her now, Finley. She’s going to love you as much as I do, I just know it.”

  “I’d never deny her, or you.”

  *

  Finley felt a tear slip from her eye and wet her cheek as it slid down. That day, thirteen years ago, was the greatest day of her life, next to the first time Nicole had told her she loved her. “I’m not ready for this. Thanks a fucking lot, Nic. You can’t just put her on a plane and send her down to me: no warning, no reason, no fucking nothing.” She wanted to call Nic and let her have it, but hearing her voice over the machine was achingly painful enough.

  *

  The next morning, Finley dressed in her operational daily uniform, a sage green-colored flight suit with a dark blue t-shirt and shorts under it, and black flight boots. The upper left chest of the flight suit had a black, rectangle patch with her first and last name on it in gold letters. The Aviation Rescue Swimmer insignia: a pair of gold aviation wings with the EMT star of life in the center and a pair of swim fins crossed over it, was embroidered above her name. Rescue Swimmer was written below her name. The upper right chest had a white, rectangle United States Coast Guard patch. An American flag patch was on the outside of the upper left arm. The opposite arm had a circular patch with USCG Air Station Merritt Island written around the circle, and in the center was an orange HT-65 Dolphin helicopter. Rescue was written above the helo with Swimmer written below it. Finley rolled the long sleeves of the flight suit up three-quarters of the way, and finished the ensemble with dark blue baseball cap that had US Coast Guard Station Merritt Island stitched in gold with her Chief Petty Officer rank insignia in the middle.

  During the short drive to the base, Finley’s mind replayed the message from the prior evening. She was mad at Nicole for literally dumping their daughter on her without warning, but she was also excited at the chance to spend time with her since she was only able to visit her a few times a year.

  *

  “Good morning. How’s your hand? I heard you smashed it pretty good,” Command Master Chief George Newberry asked. He was standing in the main hangar of the air station.

  “It’s fine.” She flexed it a few times to show him.

  He nodded, stepping inside his office, and motioning for her to follow. “Have you given anymore thought to my offer? The captain is ready to give you a glowing recommendation,” he said. As the assistant to the captain of the base, his job was in administration, and more importantly, personnel. He handled all incoming and outgoing transfer orders, on top of other duties.

  Finley held her breath. Less than twenty-four hours earlier, she’d been offered an instructor position at the rescue swimmer school in Charleston. The same one she’d attended. It was a three year post like any other base assignment. She just wasn’t sure she wanted to get off the front lines for that long, much less, be that close to Nicole. The thought of being closer to Caitlin was the only reason she was even contemplating the idea.

  “I know it’s a tough decision. Taking you out of the field is going to hurt District 7, but you’re one of the best rescue swimmers I’ve ever seen. Having you as an instructor for the next three years could impact so many rookies. You were there once. I’m sure you have one or two instructors that stand out in your mind to this day that taught you something valuable.”

  Finley nodded.

  “If you do it for a year and completely hate it, you can ask for a transfer or reassignment. In three years time, you’d be back in the water, doing what you do best. Hell, do the three years at the school, then another three year post and you’ll probably make senior chief before you turn forty. That’s a rarity in and of itself.”

  “I know. I’m still thinking about it,” she finally said.

  “You still have a few months. Your post here isn’t up until the end of December.”

  Finley nodded again. She had less than six months. Thinking about the summer, she remembered why she was there and quickly left his office. Down the hall, near the dispatch office, was the office of the Operations Duty Officer. The ODO handled the duty operations for each shift, as well as all of the scheduling. She knocked on the door and walked inside.

  “Morris, you’re not supposed to be on shift for at least a half hour,” Commander Robert Douglas stated. “Is your hand okay?”

  “It’s fine. I know I need to put in for personal time sixty days ahead, but I was just made aware last night that my daughter is flying down to stay a few weeks with me during her summer break. I was hoping we could adjust my rotation so I can be on standby this weekend instead of active. I’ll need a little time to get her settled in,” Finley said, twisting her ball cap in her hand.

  The tall, broad-shouldered man standing in front of her ran a hand over his bald head. “I didn’t know you had children, Morris.”

  “She’s thirteen and lives in Charleston,” she replied.

  “Wow,” he murmured, raising an eyebrow. He’d never seen Finley at any of the family events on base and was completely unaware. “Charleston…that should be a sign.” He grinned.

  Finley ignored him. “I only get to see her a few times a year, and that is usually when I travel up there. So, I have a lot of preparation to do
with her coming to stay with me.”

  “I see. When does she arrive?” he questioned.

  “This evening.”

  He smiled, knowing how hard it was to take care of a teenager himself. “You don’t have much time then.”

  “No,” she murmured.

  “Take liberty tomorrow and I’ll push you to the back of the rotation. This will give you Friday off, with Saturday and Sunday on call,” he said, looking at the large dry-erase board on the wall with the aircrew schedule written on it.

  “Thank you,” she said before stepping out of his office and heading across the hangar to do her paperwork for the morning shift change.

  Chapter 3

  Finley parked her Explorer in the waiting lot and walked inside the airport terminal. She hadn’t seen Caitlin in about six months, but she could spot the child in any crowd. Plus, she had pictures of her in various stages of her life plastered across her fireplace mantel.

  The woman standing behind the ticket counter waved for the next person, and the man in front of Finley told her to go ahead. Finley was still wearing her flight suit, but had taken her ball cap off.

  “Can I help you ma’am?”

  “Yes, my thirteen year old daughter is coming in on flight eight-twelve from Charleston,” Finley answered, showing her military ID.

  “No problem. I’ll call security to take you down to her gate. It looks like the plane is on time and scheduled to arrive in about ten minutes.”

  “Thanks.” Finley stepped to the side and waited for the Homeland Security Guard to walk her through the scanners at the security check.

  “Hello, ma’am. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to gate B-6 to meet your daughter’s plane. You should be able to walk through the scanner in your flight suit. If not, we’ll scan you with a wand,” he said. After 9/11 the entire country had gone crazy over travel security. The airports had become extremely difficult to navigate through as a ticketed passenger, and it was impossible to go anywhere near the gates if you didn’t have a ticket.