Never Let Go Read online

  Finley remembered back about nine years ago when you could meet your party at their arriving gate. Nicole had taken Caitlin to the airport to pick her up when she returned from advanced training in Connecticut. Finley let her mind drift back to that time.

  *

  It wasn’t long after Finley’s return from her three weeks of advanced training, when her relationship began to take a turn for the worse. Baby Caitlin was now five years old, and they were living in Clearwater, Florida. Finley had been transferred there after her first three years in Savannah. The Coast Guard had turned out to be a perfect fit for Finley. She loved being a Helicopter Rescue Swimmer. Nicole was working as a bank teller during the day, and doing online classes for her bachelor’s degree at night. She had about two and a half months left before she’d graduate.

  While Finley was away training, Nicole’s mother made a surprise visit to Clearwater to try and talk some sense into her daughter. Nicole had refused to hear what she had to say at first, but eventually she’d listened to the preaching, and saw the hurt in her mother’s eyes when she talked about Nicole‘s father being sick with cancer. She also went on and on about Finley having to move every three years and how it wasn’t fair to Nicole or Caitlin to have to pick up everything to follow her.

  “Mom visited while you were gone.”

  “Did you tell her to fuck off?”

  “Finley! She’s my mother for God’s sake.”

  “What did she want this time, Nic? What could she possibly have to say so bad that she came to Florida?”

  “My father has cancer.”

  “We both know that. We went home and visited them last year.”

  “He’s dying.”

  “I’m sorry, Nic, but that woman would use anything to get you away from me.”

  “What happens when you get shipped off again in six months and my father dies?”

  “What do you want me to say? You know I have to go where they tell me, Nic. I’m in the military. The Coast Guard has given us a pretty decent life, and you’ve never had a problem moving before.”

  “Well, my father wasn’t sick before. I just don’t know if I can do it, Finley. I’m thinking of taking Caitlin back home when you move again.”

  “Nicole! What are you talking about? We love each other. We’re happy together. I don’t understand.”

  “I want to spend time with him before he dies. I want Caitlin to know her grandpa. I love you, Finley, and I always will, but I can’t keep following you all over because you joined the military. This is your lifestyle, not mine.”

  Nicole and Caitlin were gone three months later.

  *

  Finley was standing to the side, watching the men and women walk by as they debarked the plane. She almost missed the young girl walking by her. She looked too tall and athletic to be a thirteen year old kid, but the dark, curly hair and blue eyes were unmistakable.

  “Hey, Mom!” Caitlin said, throwing her arms around Finley’s neck. Caitlin was almost as tall as Finley remembered Nicole being.

  “Oh, my God! Caitlin, you’ve grown a foot since the last time I saw you.” Finley wrapped her arms around her daughter, holding her as long as the girl would allow. Caitlin finally pulled away with a thin frown on her face.

  “It has been a while since you’ve seen me, I guess.” Caitlin finally grinned sheepishly. “I’m as tall as Mom now. I’ll be able to see over her head like you can, soon.” She took this as a major accomplishment. All girls wanted to be taller than their mother. It was a superiority complex for a teenager.

  Finley felt the tug on her heart when Caitlin referenced her lack of visits, but she laughed when Caitlin cheered up after thinking about outgrowing her mom. God, she looks so much like the Morris’s. “Well, come on, kiddo. I’m sure you have more than just that little bag there. I know how your mom packs, and it’s definitely not light.”

  “Yeah, no kidding. I bet you could fit your entire wardrobe in this bag.” She pointed to the small carry-on suitcase she was wheeling along behind her as they walked towards the baggage claim area.

  Finley glanced down at the bag and bit her bottom lip. “I could, but the military teaches you that on the first day when they make you throw away everything you brought with you.” She smiled thinking back to her first day of boot camp. She thought she’d die before the day was even over, but somehow she’d survived.

  “I’ve never seen you in your flight suit, unless you count the old pictures Mom has of you when you were younger.” Caitlin studied the patches on the drab-green, zip up suit.

  “I’m not working when I come up to see you.” Finley smiled. She’d flip out if she saw all of the crap hanging off of my Service Dress Blue uniform.

  *

  They retrieved two large suitcases and made their way towards the SUV. Finley couldn’t believe her eyes. Here was her little girl, all grown up, and she’d missed most of that. Two or three visits a year was the biggest mistake she’d ever made. She was seeing that with her own eyes like a slap in the face. She silently prayed that Caitlin understood why she stayed away.

  “So, Mom didn’t tell me much about where you live. She just said in Florida. You never talk much about it either.”

  “Well, that’s probably because I move every three years,” Finley sighed. “I have a house by the river inlet and my air station is close to Port Canaveral, where NASA’s Kennedy Space Center is.”

  “No way! Can we go there?”

  “Sure.” Finley smiled, glancing at her. “So” she started, then paused to take a deep breath as she pulled out onto the main road. “Your mom didn’t say much about your visit for the summer when she called.”

  “I’m sure she just left you a message. She’s a coward!” Caitlin huffed.

  “Caitlin! That is no way to talk about your mother,” Finley growled. The kid was right, Nicole was a coward, but Finley couldn’t let her be disrespectful.

  “Well, she is.” Caitlin stared out the window at the passing cars.

  Finley sensed a subject change and decided this wasn’t the time to have this discussion. She’d wait until Caitlin was settled in.

  After a quick stop for pizza, they made it to the house. Finley loved her quaint, cozy little bungalow, but living with someone was something she hadn’t done since Nicole left her. It was definitely going to take some getting used to.

  “I like your house. It’s cute,” Caitlin said as she took her bags to her room and began to unpack.

  Finley set out plates for the pizza, and changed into a pair of cotton shorts and a t-shirt. She still couldn’t get over how much Caitlin resembled her. It was like looking at her teenage self with the attitude to go with it.

  “Go ahead and call your mom so she knows you arrived safely,” Finley said, stepping out of her bedroom. She hadn’t spoken to Nicole in years. They simply kept in touch for Caitlin’s sake through short emails, and Finley’s mother ran interference for the visits. Nicole also had Caitlin send holiday and birthday cards with school pictures in them.

  Finley started on her plate of pizza at the dining room table while Caitlin sat on the couch in the nearby living room, talking to her mother. Finley heard Caitlin saying she had arrived and Mom was taking her to see NASA. After a long pause the excitement in Caitlin’s voice was gone as she huffed ‘yes ma’am’. Then in a monotone voice, ‘hi Dave, yes, uh huh, no, the flight was okay.’ After that, she hung up. Finley felt her jaw clinch when she heard his name. Her appetite was lost as her mind scrolled through a memory she wished she could erase.

  Nicole and Caitlin had been living back in Charleston for nearly three years when Finley received a letter saying Nicole had met someone. A man no doubt. His name was David Dulinberg. He was a Jewish man in his early forties, much older than Nicole, and a friend of her father’s from the golf league he was on. Finley was so severely sick to her stomach after that, she was put on the no fly list for the rest of the week.

  The next letter came three months later.
/>   Finley,

  These are Caitlin’s class pictures and pictures from her field trip to the old fort. She keeps asking when you’re going to visit. I’ll help her call you next week. I want you to send her presents to her early this year, and please put them in Hanukkah paper. Dave’s Jewish and we’re celebrating with him this year. Also, Dave and I are planning on getting married after the first of the year. I don’t expect you to be there, but I’ll send you an invitation anyway.

  Nicole

  Finley balled the letter up and threw it in the trash can after she ran to the bathroom and puked until there was nothing left. Then, she got it out of the trash and tore it to pieces and threw it away again. Then, she didn’t want it in her house, so she took the trash to the road. She was barely back in the house when she decided she didn’t want it anywhere near her. Therefore, she grabbed her keys and tossed the bag in the trunk of her car, driving it in the nearest dumpster. She didn’t have to worry about rereading the letter, every word was burned into her memory. She took the love that she still held for Nicole and turned it into hatred. She was living on base since she was stationed in Puerto Rico, so she went for a run down on the docks where the marine fleet was located.

  Three months later another letter came, along with the dreaded invitation. Finley never opened the invitation, instead she tossed it out of the helicopter that night. She had done the same thing after reading the letter asking for Finley’s permission to allow Dave to adopt her. Once she calmed down enough to talk, Finley called her mother and told her what Nicole’s plans were. Then, she dialed one more number.

  “Hello?” A man’s voice answered.

  “Is Nicole Wetherby there?” Finley’s tone was flat. She had nothing left. She’d been throwing up for days, not eating and not sleeping. She’d lost almost ten pounds in a week. Her Operations Duty Officer threatened to pull her off of duty. She had to go through the rounds with the doctors until they finally said it was a flu bug and gave her antibiotics. She knew she had better straighten up or she was going to flush her career down the toilet.

  “Yes she is. May I ask who’s calling?”

  “No. Just put Nicole on the phone.” I don’t have time for your bullshit, dickhead.

  “Hello? This is Nicole.”

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Nic? Have you lost your god damn mind?!” Finley’s tone was threatening.

  “Finley, calm down.”

  “If you want to lie around with some man playing house, that’s your problem. I’ll never forgive you for putting me through this, Nicole, but you’re not dragging my daughter into your sick, twisted fuck-up. Do you hear me! That child is and always will be a Morris! My blood, Nicole! My god damn blood! Not his!” She was yelling so loud, Nicole had to leave the room so that Dave didn’t overhear her conversation.

  “Stop yelling at me, Finley!” Nicole did her best to fight back.

  “I swear to God, Nicole. I’ll come up there and we can do this face to face. It’s your call.”

  “No, you don’t need to come up here to fight with me. Dave’s a nice guy. He’s good with Caitlin.”

  “I don’t give a shit if he’s fucking Saint Christian himself. He’s not raising her like she’s his. You took her from me, you wrecked my life, Nicole. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit back and watch you push me completely out of her life!”

  “I’d never do that. You and your mother are her family too.”

  “You’re damn right we are.”

  “What’s with your language? I don’t like hearing it.”

  “Too fucking bad. You’ve pissed me off to the point of no return this time,” Finley growled. “Oh, and how’s your father? I hear he’s still alive and playing golf every day.”

  “That’s not fair, Finley. He’s still sick.”

  “Uh huh. I’m sure Barbara is playing that fiddle over and over.”

  “What?”

  “Never mind. I mean it, Nicole. You change her last name and so help me, I’ll be on your doorstep before you teach her how to spell it. You understand?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I…I never should have—”

  “You’re damn right you shouldn’t have. I can’t believe you’re so fucking gullible. I bet your mom’s had the wedding planned since before you even met him.”

  *

  “Ugh!” Caitlin huffed in frustration as she made her way back into the kitchen.

  “Everything okay?” Finley asked as she slid the pizza box over to her.

  “Mom’s just getting on my nerves.”

  “Oh.”

  “She expects me to just bend over and kiss Dave’s as…uh…” Caitlin’s blue eyes grew large when she looked up to meet the same eyes staring back at her behind raised brows and a half eaten slice of pizza. “I’m sorry,” she squeaked.

  “You’re damn right you are.” Finley felt the muscle in her jaw clinch. “There won’t be swearing in my house.”

  “But, you just swore,” Caitlin chided.

  “Caitlin Finley Morris, I am an adult. When you turn eighteen, you can cuss me out if you want, but until then you will respect adults.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re just like her. I’m not going to be nice to that man, and you’re not going to make me either.” Caitlin jumped up and stormed off to her room. Finley started after her, but decided to wait and find out the real story behind the anger and frustration causing the kid to lash out.

  “So help me, Nic. If he’s laid a hand on my little girl, I’ll kill you both,” she whispered to herself.

  Chapter 4

  Finley let another day go by before calling Nicole to find out just exactly when their daughter had developed the attitude from hell. Caitlin had been short with her anytime she’d asked about home. She didn’t have much to say about school either. She was heading into high school at the end of the summer and had already chosen her classes for her freshman year. She was set to attend the same high school that Finley and Nicole had graduated from. Finley knew this could be a very stressful time in Caitlin’s life, but it should also be a very happy time for her. Most children looked forward to high school.

  “Hello?” a sweet, almost innocent voice answered the phone on the second ring.

  Even after all of the years and the turmoil between them, Finley still felt her breath catch in her throat.

  “Nic, it’s Finley.”

  Silence followed.

  “Is Caitlin okay?” Nicole asked.

  “What the hell is going on? You don’t speak to me for years. You force me to communicate with my daughter away from you. Then, out of the blue, you put her on a plane and ship her to me without so much as a warning, or a hello, or even a fuck you.”

  “Finley!”

  “I’m serious, Nic. What’s going on with her? She’s definitely upset about something and you’re hiding it from me. You obviously sent her here because the two of you aren’t getting along. What’s the deal?”

  Another long silence only made matters worse. Finley huffed in frustration.

  Nicole sighed. “Dave just got home from work. Can I call you back when he goes to bed?”

  “Fine.” Finley pushed the button to end the call, wishing she could toss her cell phone against the wall as she poured herself a glass of single malt. She needed it to get through her first real conversation with Nicole in almost seven years. She was still shaking from the nervousness of that initial call. Some of the alcohol splashed onto the table. Damn it, Finley, get it together. Stop letting that woman get to you!

  *

  Finley was leaning over the open door of the H65-Dolphin, peering down at the water as they flew over the Atlantic Ocean, searching for a boat that had been missing since a mayday call was received early that day. She stifled a yawn, wishing she’d drank another cup of coffee. The twelve hour shifts never bothered her, but she’d spent the entire weekend staying up late with Caitlin, watching movies and playing games. She’d only been there five days and things hadn’t settle
d down at all. If these missing people weren’t found in the next ten hours, Finley would be working overtime, and she was already leaving Caitlin alone while she was on shift. She didn’t want her to be alone overnight too. Plus, Finley would more than likely be called in on her standby days because of everyone working overtime, instead of spending the time off with her daughter at the Kennedy Space Center.

  It had been two days since Nicole had promised to call back in an a couple hours to discuss the reason behind the impromptu summer visit. Finley could never complain about having Catlin with her for the summer, that was a blessing in itself, even if it was a little hindering at first. Finley was learning to adjust her life to accommodate a teenager in her care, but adding her work schedule into the mix was going to be a challenge.

  “Mark, Mark, Mark,” Tracey, the Flight Mechanic, radioed into her headset. “Two people in the water, three o’clock.”

  Finley followed her line of sight.

  “They’re coming to your six,” Finley said, watching them as the helicopter circled around. “Two hundred yards.”

  “Good eyes, Tracey,” Greg, the co-pilot said. “Sector Merritt Island…Search and Rescue 6516. We’ve located the two passengers, vessel is not in sight. Deploying swimmer. Over,” he radioed.

  “6516…Sector. Copy,” the dispatcher at the base radioed back.

  Whenever Finley’s aircrew went out for a call, she was dressed for water deployment in a bright orange shorty wetsuit and black booties, as well as a rescue swimmer harness that was hoistable and had an orange manual inflation vest attached with equipment pockets, and a waterproof radio clipped to the shoulder. She wore the same helmet as everyone else inside of the helicopter. When she was preparing to go into the water, she quickly removed the helmet, hanging it by her seat. Then, she pulled on a black dive mask, snorkel, and fins and sat by the open door.